Archive for December 31st, 2010

A Journey Through My Heart – Part II

As few days have passed since I set forth the beginning of my explanation of my journey – much has changed. I have learned much but in a disenheartening way. I thought when I started this jorney it was to help my ancestors who some live in third world country environments. I started to network and even befriended one person who I thought was a special Native American a person I could call a friend for now to eternity. So much has changed.

I have found because I am not a pure blood indian that I am not seen as anything more than a white girl. I write this in tears as my heart is broken. I never thought the Native American’s would think so poorly of someone who didn’t have a choice in the matter when it came to living on the reservation. My help though genuine and true didn’t mean anything – but the more I looked the more I seen many, many organizations and charities doing the same thing – even one I belong to as a member. Some are Native American Run while others are not but because they bring forth things the people of the reservation are so very much in need of they are accepted and respected. Oddly they are as white skinned as me some with real blonde hair not the kind in a box I use.

My grandmother was born in 1899 and she was 1/2 Cherokee – she was a healer in her small mountainous community – many came to her or she went to them in their times of need passing along what her full blood Cherokee mother had taught her. She was a good woman and no one cared up in the Alleghany mountains if you were white or Indian what counted was that you were a good person – a good neighbor; besides most knew many of them were mixed either with Cherokee or Shawnee. I even have part of my great grandmother’s family in a picture in OKlahoma – this was so odd to see during this time in history until I put two and two together and found they had been led on the Trail of Tears.

I do not know where to go from here with my journey and this saddens my heart deeply because I know the traditions I was brought up knowing – I know who I am but my grandmother’s sister house burned down with the family bible and so it is our history was lost – the true history – not what the census members were told – “black” or they hid the children who were more darker than the others. This was a common practice in the mountains.

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