Archive for January, 2011

A Journey Through My Heart…A New Horizon

Ahh the journey…well it seems the trees have cleared; an opening of the mind and heart have since taken over after much meditation over the matters of my heart’s desires to make a change for others in a positive way.

When last I wrote I was faced with a decision that needed to be made regarding how my tour to create change in the lives of Native Americans would work. I had received a great deal of resistance but in that resistance I found an disheartening awareness that so much cruelty has been done to the Native Americans by the white eyes through forked tongues and false empty promises that trust is very hard to gain even when your intentions are pure. Though I am part Native American; distrust is still there because I grew up as in my eyes “just an American” but even were my blood more pure it is not uncommon to find walls and barriers among their own. By no means do any of the statements I just made mean to show the Native American’s in a poor light because if anything that is the last thing I learned from this experience. I learned the truth of what we have done to our people; all people throughout this great land we call “united”. I was saddened by my inability to find an open embrace for what the Spirit of the Wolf Tour would have been and meant for so many NA’s but it has not stopped me from wanting to help and won’t stop me from helping only now I will help in a different way – one that is on a larger scale and one that helps those who have had the time to earn this trust have the ability to help further.

My health as it is limits me to what I can do – but my words and my work can carry me to places I wouldn’t be afforded the opportunity to go. In the falling of my heart from this desire to bring a tour together to help the people who are in my heart my family I learned from them the meaning of pride; the meaning of anger; the meaning of distrust but too I learned how close knit they are as a people – nothing has changed for the true Native American since that first day when the white eyes took up arms against them. They still live, even if it is poorly, in tight bands and care for one another in their times of need without some of the privileges that are afforded to you and me. Some nations and reservations thrive for various reasons that  have to do in part, with how much of the United States government plays a role in their lives. Sadly though for the ones who chose to keep to the vows their ancestors made for better or worse; they in their desire to be the people they should have always been allowed to be are the poorest nations in the Native American tribes. They made a choice to keep their very dear ways and traditions as alive as they could and stayed sovern nations but in doing so backs have been turned too many times against them.
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This is her today; this is her tomorrow…

I watch as she rises,
each day supposedly a new dawn,
for her though – it is the same -
seldom does the rising change
except some days – some days;
the pain is worse
than the day before.

Her body aches,
parts of her unable to move -
she waits at the edge of her bed
praying the pain will recede
wishing it never to return
but she knows today’s morning
is tomorrow’s return -

she can only sit there
on the edge of her bed,
looking outward at a normal world -
envying their hustle and bustle lives,
she raises a glass to her mouth;
to the pills that give her life,
she swallows, one – two,

sitting down a wavering glass
her grasp too weak some days
to want to carry on;
she waits with a sense of sadness
filling her soul,
realizing this is the only way
this is her morning glow
the only way she can go on.

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